Probably a Bad Idea
by Elfpen
Summary: After reading some letters that aren't really his to read, Jack takes on the innocent request of a child as a personal challenge during Christmastime. Unfortunately, the Australian summers never really did agree with him. Bunny is there to scrape up the mess and complain about it, and Tooth manages to be Jack's mother whilst he drools into the snow. Oneshot. Rated for language.


A/N: This has no plot, I'm just warning you.

No, seriously.

* * *

In his defense, he really didn't know that this would happen.

Alright, maybe if Jack had thought it through beforehand, he might have seen a flaw or two in his plan. But he had never been particularly good at that, thinking things through. The discretionatory filter between his thoughts and actions was thin on its best days, and this hadn't even been a _good _day. So it took little to no time after Jack heard the idea until he was executing the idea. And somehow, through a blurry chain of events that Jack couldn't quite remember, that was how he'd ended up here: feverish, delusional, limp as a rag doll and being carried none too gently by very possibly the last person he wanted to see.

"Of all the whack-brained, gumbied-up, buggered things you've ever done, Frostbite, this one wins grand prize."

"Aw, I win?" Jack was slurring his words, but he honestly couldn't help it. "That's good, right?"

"No, mate, that's stupid. What were you thinking?"

"Sounded fun at the time..."

"Of course it did. And of course, you had to come doing it on my turf. You're on personal mission to make my life a living hell, aren't you?"

Jack sighed. "Not everything is about you, you know," he said.

"North will blame me for this when he finds out, of course. You and your misguided party tricks will fall on my head because it was in my backyard, I hope you know that, you dindy."

Jack scoffed and tried (and failed) to toss his head. "Oh, relax, cottontail," he patted Bunny's fur where he could reach it whilst splayed out in his arms. "If you're going to blame someone - 'sides me, of course - you might as well blame North. He's the one who left the letters lying around after he left."

"Letters? What letters?"

"You know, the kids' letters, the Christmas wishlist letters. He left 'em there, just lying around begging to be read. I's not my fault I picked up one from Australia."

"It is your fault that you decided to respond, though."

"Eh," Jack shrugged, "Granting a wish."

"Doesn't matter either way. That's North's job, not yours."

"Aw, come on, Bunny, it's Christmas! I can give gifts too, y'know."

"Mate, that wasn't a gift, that was suicide."

"I knew what I was doing."

"Then you're even stupider than I thought! Just because some ankle-biter asks for something specific doesn't mean it's a good idea to give it to them."

"And what did she ever do to not deserve a little snow?" Jack sounded offended.

"Nothing! And maybe in July, you can go back and have your fun. But Jack, some kid asking for a white Christmas in _Sydney _is not a challenge!"

"Pfft," Jack scoffed, "shows how much you know."

Bunny sighed. "Of for the love of…" He readjusted Jack in his arms. "You're an absolute drongo, you know that?"

"You _do_ care."

"And _you_ don't care enough. About anything. Now just… shut up and let's get you to the Pole."

"What?" Jack tried to sit up, but couldn't. "The Pole? No, nonono… North doesn't really need to know about this, right?"

"Like hell he does – but he'll find out anyway. And you need some place cold, before you start melting on me." He looked down at Jack's fever-dazed face and his mouth, which was leaking drool onto Bunny's arm. "Well, melt _more_, anyway." With that, he tapped a massive foot down on the ground and a hole opened up beneath them.

* * *

"He did _what?!_"

Of course, after Tooth heard, she'd rushed to the Pole to see Jack for herself. Strangely enough, however, he wasn't anywhere to be seen in North's lodge – nor was anyone else. It was Christmas day, and while North was still travelling back from his yearly rounds, the yetis and elves had disappeared for what must have been a well-deserved nap. So, when Tooth rushed through the doors and into the vast workshop, the only soul left to hear her was a furry, huddled grump sitting by the fire.

"Bunny, where's Jack?" She asked him.

"Outside."

"But, you said he was _sick_!"

"He is – so he's recovering."

"Outside?!"

"What did you want me to do? He's practically made of snow himself, and had gone and got himself puddled on the ground – sticking him on ice seemed to help!"

Tooth stared at him, and then let out an indignant yelp before turning tail and buzzing straight for the exit.

When she found him, he was curled up on top of a windswept snow bank, hands buried in a pillow-like lump, legs sprawled, hair and hoodie mostly frosted over, a frozen pool of drool growing beneath his face. If Tooth had bothered to look with a more critical eye, she would have realized that he looked completely comfortable (albeit a bit strange) where he was, literally blanketed in white, but with her pent up worry and special fondness for Jack, she took one look at him and all mother-henning pandemonium broke loose.

"Jack! Oh, Jack, look at you," She whizzed down and brushed off his hair, his face. "What happened to you? Bunny, leaving you out here. He doesn't have any sense. Are you alright?" She turned his face up to look at him, and a frozen plaque of drool came with it. She grimaced, broke it off his cheek (which stretched comically as she did so) and tossed it aside. "Come on, then, let's get you inside. Oh, you poor thing." He remained utterly comatose as she dusted him off, squashed his cheeks, checked his teeth, and ultimately hauled his snowflake-light frame up and over her shoulder. She carried him back into the lodge and sent Bunny a dirty glare as she passed him by.

"Tooth, I _told_ you, I was trying to _help_,"

"You left him _outside!_ In a _blizzard!_"

Bunny made an incredulous gesture. "He _makes_ blizzards!"

"You shouldn't have left him alone," She said, passing him with a still-unconscious Jack dangling down her back.

"What, do you expect me to _freeze_ for his sake? And might I remind you, _he_ is the one who did this to himself – I just got to clean up the mess!"

"Come help me find a room for him," Tooth floated by and through the doors to the domestic side of North's lodge. Bunny groaned and rolled his eyes before following.

"Why does everyone blame _me?_"

* * *

The room was fine. Honestly. A little bare, perhaps, but Bunny was sure it'd do just fine for Jack.

It's not like Jack could complain, after all.

But then Tooth had gone into full-blown mother mode, and she began ordering a (rather sleepy) gaggle of elves about with just as much authority and ADHD as she did with her faeries. She lit a fire in the fireplace and opened the window to let in a snowy draft (why she bothered with _both_, Bunny chose not to ask). She piled Jack on the bed, fluffed the pillows, and found a volumous quilt to wrap around him.

"A _quilt?_ Tooth, don't you think it's a little… backwards?"

"Jack keeps himself cold like people keep themselves warm," She told him, spending perhaps too much time arranging her patient beneath the coverlet, tucking it up so only his nose, eyes, and hair peaked out. "Most people bundle up to keep the warm in – with Jack, I think it'll help keep the cold in."

Bunny frowned, and quirked an eyebrow, begrudging the point. Silence ensued, and it took a moment for Bunny to realize why Tooth was still at Jack's side and wasn't saying anything.

"…Tooth?"

"Huh?"

"Get your fingers out of his mouth. The teeth'll survive."

"Oh. Right."

* * *

When Jack woke up, he was smiling. He'd just had the most _wonderful_ dream, surrounded by snow and laughter and lots of little kids (_ankle-biters_, the phrase kept circling round in his head) with Aussie accents, and it was Christmas.

He _felt_ amazing too, even after he woke up. He was cold, and rested, and… snug. He shifted, and felt something like a cocoon around him. But when was the last time he'd even _seen_ a bed? Where was he? He cracked his eyes open, and blinked a few times.

Snow. He could smell it. He twitched his nose. And… smoke? A fireplace. But he was in a _bed_. There was a sizable snowbank beneath an open window across the room. _Room_. But… where was the room? He blinked some more, and noticed thick wooden beams around the room, reddish in hue and covered in geometric carvings that struck a memory. The Pole? But why? Wasn't he meant to be out on Operation: White Christmas Sydney?

Jack untangled himself from a very thick blue quilt and swung his legs over the side of the bed with some difficulty. He grimaced. Despite being well rested, he felt sore and weak. He stretched and stood, spotting his staff leaning up against the wall. As he went to retrieve it, he noticed the small table sitting next to it, which held up a pot of flowers made entirely of ice, and a card with them, which had _'Jack'_ curled over the front. Somewhat confused, he opened it, and smiled when he recognized the signatures of his fellow guardians.

First was North's, written in heavy red ink and dominating one side of the card. _Merry Christmas, Jack! Don't outdo yourself, and recover soon. –North_

Sandy's was in one corner, but was entirely made of pictures: a snowflake, a thumbs up, and a smiley face.

Tooth's was next, in curlicue, sparkling purple: _Get well soon, Jack! We're all really worried for you, and hope you'll be back to yourself soon – but remember, no more snowstorms in the Australian summer! (Don't forget to brush your teeth when you wake up – plaque builds up when you sleep!) Love, Tooth_

Jack smiled at that, but got the biggest laugh when he spotted Bunny's green-inked message.

_Don't die, or I'll kill you. Hope it was a Happy Christmas, Jackarse._ _–B_

Perhaps he snorted loudest because the 'arse' bit of Bunny's greeting had been scratched out by Tooth's glittering purple ink, so that only 'Jack' remained. Unable to wipe the smile off his face, Jack shook his head and headed for the door, staff in hand.

He passed several surprised-looking yetis and herds of elves before he found them all, perhaps predictably, in the main room of the workshop.

"You guys threw a party without me, didn't you?" He asked, and all heads whipped around.

"Jack!" They said as one, and because of her wings, Tooth was on him first, glued against him in a hug. "Oh, you're awake! How are you? How do you feel?" She pulled away "Cold enough? Can you walk? Did you get enough sleep? Did you brush? Open up, let me see," She pried at his lips, and perhaps it was a testament to their growing friendship that he let her (and almost smiled instead of backing away) but then North came up behind her.

"Tooth, give him air. Good to see you back among living, Jack! I thought winter might be asleep for a while, with you out like that."

"Would'a given the Groundhog a turn, that's for sure," Bunny said, coming up last of all. Sandy gave a happy wave from where he floated by North, and Jack smiled at him.

"How long was I out?"

"I'm afraid you missed Christmas entirely," North said.

"And Boxing Day," Tooth added,

"And the arrival of Baby New Year – though I can't say you missed much. Grouchy little devil," Bunny tacked on last.

"Wait, wait," Jack was frowning. "I was out for an _entire week_?"

"No," North said jovially, and Jack relaxed for a split second until he added, "You were out for two. But, is no matter," He slapped Jack on the back, and the smaller guardian pitched forward slightly. "Now, you are up, well, and – and I cannot stress this enough – strictly forbidden from Southern Hemisphere until summer."

"Oh…" Jack said, eyes zoning out as the memory washed back over him. Australia during Christmastime was… well, all things considered, as Mr. Snowballs and Fun Times, it was probably one of his worse ideas. Heat and Frost, he'd learned, did not mix well. "Right…" He turned. "Eh, sorry about that, Bunny," He said, trying to give a winning smile. Bunny didn't smile back, but sighed.

"I never thought I'd hear it from _your_ mouth. Just don't do it again, Frostbite. I don't want to have to haul up your sorry hide every time you forget you're made of ice."

"I'm not made of _ice_," Jack protested, as the five of them headed back down into the room, and Tooth guided him towards a table that was filled with refreshments of various sorts.

"Might as well be, you had a fever and were half mad from the heat when I found you," Bunny protested.

"I was _not_, I remember that perfectly well, and I wasn't _mad-_"

"And _drooling_,"

"We had a perfectly normal conversation!"

"I don't know what you think 'normal' is, mate, but nothing about that day was in _any way-"_

"Boys!" Tooth said, and their heads whipped around. "Let it go. Jack's awake, well, and we're all here. So why don't we give a shot to recap a few weeks' worth of Holidays together. North?" She turned to the big man, who smiled cheekily and nodded.

"A belated Christmaboxinewyear feast, coming right up! Dingle!" As North turned away to his yetis and elves, Tooth smiled over at Jack.

"Lesson learned?"

Jack smiled at her. "No more snow in summer." She quirked an eyebrow further at him, and he added, "Or reading North's letters. Or trying to make it snow. In Australia. During Christmastime." Tooth smiled and nodded at him, satisfied. There was a nice pause between them all, before Bunny ruined it.

"And if you have ever have drooling idiot melting all over your fur, just toss him in a snowbank and wait for him to refreeze."

"_Bunny!"_

"What?!"

Jack laughed.


End file.
